Challenges and Changes

How womankind, who are confined to the house still more than men, stand it I do not know; but I have ground to suspect that most of them do not stand it at all.-Henry David Thoreau

I worked for nearly twenty years before deciding to become a SAHM and work from home. I love my kids. They bring me the greatest of joys and the lowests of dispairs. They are my sun and now my life revolves around them 24/7. It is a blessing and a malediction.

In my quest for the perfect job to be able to stay at home, I tried many things. Running my own business, being an outside sales rep and even telecommuting but none of those jobs worked out for me. Finally I settled on property management simply because the opportunity presented itself. Happily I left the employ of my rather large and intimidating firm to work solo from my little desk in my cozy new apartment.

The first month or two were full of joy and celebrations, playing with my kids day and night, teaching them, cooking for them, entertaining them. Then the reality of daily life set in and I realized that if I didn't make a drastic change, I would lose my mind.

Suddenly instead of finding my children a joy, they were driving me crazy. I no longer had my own thoughts. They consumed all of my time and energy. I had nothing left for myself. My life balance was all out of whack. I had started resenting the very thing I had craved for so long, my children's undying complete attention.

To resolve this issue meant trying to get my husband to understand and sympathize. That did not go over so well. He still doesn't completely understand the issue or why I felt so depressed at the thought of caring for my own children. To be honest, neither did I. But I finally realized that I needed more. I needed connections with old friends, phone calls to family, and writing.

Writing became my salvation. It has provided me with the outlet I need to be myself. It has given me something to do beyond care for my family and the tiny four walls of my fortress. If you have ever felt this way, you understand exactly how I'm feeling. If you haven't, well then I'm glad for you. Happy parenting, happy blogging and happy writing!