I have a quirky sense of humor. I laugh at parts of movies when other people are crying. I find humor in the tiniest of details during a film. In a completely serious scene, I bust out laughing because of my own response mechanism to sadness, stress, and loss. Rather than cry with the rest of the audience, which I'm sure is the what the film maker was hoping, I laugh. Think of Rose and Jack in Titanic. Everyone else is wrapped up in the tragedy unfolding and I find myself giggling that Jack's an ice cube. James Cameron would be horrified to learn his visually stunning emotionally charged scene made me laugh.
It's the same for me in life. I laugh instead of crying. When I'm hurting the most, I make sick jokes. I use comedy to hide my true feelings. I'm sarcastic and bitterly humorous when I'm actually breaking to pieces inside.
Sometimes this has led to misunderstandings. I remember being banished from my grandma's funereal because I was laughing and joking around. I was grieving, but the adults couldn't see that. At fifteen I was not equipped emotionally to deal with death. I loved her. I missed her. I was hurting at her sudden loss and disappearance from my life. I didn't believe death was the end. I truly believed I would see her again someday. Yet, my heart was broken because I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell her how much I loved her. How much she influenced my life with her love and support. I was behaving inappropriately and yet entirely appropriately for me. No one understood. (Well my mom did. Thanks mom.)
What about you? Do you laugh or cry when others are not? Let me know by posting and commenting. I'd like to know I'm not the only one who does this.
