Humor and Heartbreak

I have a quirky sense of humor.  I laugh at parts of movies when other people are crying.  I find humor in the tiniest of details during a film.  In a completely serious scene, I bust out laughing because of my own response mechanism to sadness, stress, and loss.  Rather than cry with the rest of the audience, which I'm sure is the what the film maker was hoping, I laugh.  Think of Rose and Jack in Titanic.  Everyone else is wrapped up in the tragedy unfolding and I find myself giggling that Jack's an ice cube.  James Cameron would be horrified to learn his visually stunning emotionally charged scene made me laugh.

It's the same for me in life.  I laugh instead of crying.  When I'm hurting the most, I make sick jokes. I use comedy to hide my true feelings.  I'm sarcastic and bitterly humorous when I'm actually breaking to pieces inside.

Sometimes this has led to misunderstandings.  I remember being banished from my grandma's funereal because I was laughing and joking around.  I was grieving, but the adults couldn't see that. At fifteen I was not equipped emotionally to deal with death.  I loved her.  I missed her.  I was hurting at her sudden loss and disappearance from my life.  I didn't believe death was the end.  I truly believed I would see her again someday.  Yet, my heart was broken because I didn't get to say goodbye.  I didn't get to tell her how much I loved her.  How much she influenced my life with her love and support.  I was behaving inappropriately and yet entirely appropriately for me.  No one understood.  (Well my mom did.  Thanks mom.)

What about you?  Do you laugh or cry when others are not?  Let me know by posting and commenting.  I'd like to know I'm not the only one who does this.

Dating Advice for my Single Christian Friends

I've seen your posts on Facebook.  You know who you are, the lonely hearts who are looking for a new relationship.  Well without calling you out by name or making you uncomfortable, I decided to write a blogpost and share with you some of my ideas for dating and ultimately marriage.

 “If you meet someone who is caring and funny and smart, stick it out for three or four dates—even if they don’t meet your usual criteria.” -Christie Nightengale, Professional Matchmaker

My stolen relationship advice for those of my friends who are looking for love.  Just because you date someone doesn't mean you have to marry them.  That's why it's a date.  But to write someone off because they don't meet your idea of the "ONE" is wrong too. 

Speaking from personal experience, when I met my husband of almost 20 years, I didn't like him.  For starters he was younger than me.  That was a no no in my mind.  Secondly, he was very shy, which I took for being stuck up.  In fact, when he was suggested to me by my future sister-in-law, I instantly rejected the suggestion.  He was not the one for me, end of discussion.

I was wrong.  After getting to know him and becoming friends, I realized that we connected on a level that I'd never felt with anyone else.  Four months after meeting him, I let him know I was interested in more than friendship and the rest is history. 

I'll repeat for those old fashioned women out there, I let him know I was interested in him.  I didn't sit around waiting for the shy, quiet type to finally warm up and approach me.  It may never have happened otherwise.  In this day and age, it's ok to approach a man.  Don't leave the man to do all the work.  Be direct and honest, also be prepared for rejection.  By putting yourself out there you may get hurt.  That's life.  If you find out someone you like, does not return your feelings, don't take it personal.  It may hurt a bit, but use it as a growing experience and learn from it and grow.

Obviously loving, caring Christians would never date without a permanent relationship in mind.   But don't veto anyone until you've really gotten to know them.  Don't assume since you've been friends for years that you don't need to date either.  Dating is how you really learn about one another, your goals, your likes and dislikes.  Dating is a neccesary evil if you really want to get married and have it last.  Don't rush through the dating process.  This sets a tone for the rest of your relationship. 

So why not try out a few different types of people while you're searching for the "one"?  How easy is it to say that one's too short, too tall, to quiet, or to lively.  It is easy to quickly judge your date.  But if you give someone you'd never usually date a chance, maybe you would find that they are actually the perfect "one" for you.

I had a guy quickly decide I was not the one for him because I made a comment that I was not ready to have children.  I was just out of school and although I wanted to get married, I was not ready to start a family right away.  Obviously, that was a deal breaker for him.  Had he gotten to know me, given me a chance, well maybe things would have been different.  One negative comment from me and I was history.  Now, I have three children.  People grow and change the longer you know them.

Many of you are divorced and when you analyze your previous relationships, you can see what you did wrong and correct it.  Trust me, it is never just one persons fault when a relationship dies.  Take your share of the blame and own it.  You made mistakes too.  Don't relive your previous mistakes by doing the same things all over again.  No one can change you, but yourself.  Also, carrying that baggage into a new relationship is not fair.  So make sure you've really put your personal issues behind you.  Think about what you really want out of a relationship, what are deal breakers, and what personality quirks you can live with when you start your search for a new mate. 

Lastly, back to my quote from above.  You will not get to know the real person in one or two dates.  You need to really get to know someone and then decide if they are the one for you.  Don't rush into it, don't quickly write someone off, be open minded and positive.  Remember, no one is perfect.  We all are flawed and make mistakes.  So give dating a chance and try dating someone you'd never thought you would like.  Look at dating like the contest of a lifetime and the reward is a loving happy relationship.

Recycling Party- Great Girls Night Out

We all have it.  The bag or box of clothes or shoes that we really do mean to donate to charity, yet it still sits there neglected and unused in the dark scary recesses of our closets.  Well ladies (and gents for those of you who like fashion) dig those old outfits out and invite your friends over for some vino and play dress up.  It's called a recycling party and it's not a new concept, but unfortunately this idea still hasn't caught on.  In this economy when times are so tight, a recycling party is a great way of trading items you no longer want for treasures your friends are willing to give up. 

So dig up the stuff you mean to sell in a yard sell, throw together some finger foods and snacks and Facebook all your pals asking them to bring their used clothes, shoes, purses, ball caps, backpacks, jewelry and anything else they want to unload.  Organize the items into groups.  Then let everyone go to town.  It's FREE shopping!  It has all the gratification of spending the night at the mall with your girlfriends and none of the guilt associated with a high credit card bill.  So grab up a funky new evening bag, some retro suiting, seriously fierce ballet flats and a fabulous new formal for FREE.  Just open your home and present the idea to your posse, trust me, they will come and they will have a blast.  Did you notice that other than the costs of snacks, this is FREE? 

Writing Just for the Exercise

I haven't written lately.  I participated in Nanowrimo in November and got a little burned out.  I put it aside, dealt with other issues in my life, but now I feel I should start writing again.  I need to finish my novel about Olivia and Andy, the nature biologist and the reporter, the country girl and city boy.  So many things they need to overcome if they are ever to fall in love forever.  Then I have some children's stories I've written.  I wish I was a cartoonist and could illustrate them.  I think they are cute and publishable.  I did a short stint of poetry early last year.  I was taking a creative writing class and needed to finish it up.  Unfortunately, none of it was publishable.  Poetry is not my calling.  Fiction is.  So today, I'm writing just for the exercise.  Trying to get back into the habit of putting words down on paper or in my computer daily.  It is a good habit, a healthy habit and I don't want to stop now that I've started.  So as with all good things, a break was needed, but now that I've had a rest, I'm going to write, write, write some more.  So stay tuned and keep on reading.

The Pets of Home of Guiding Hands

Home of Guiding Hands is a 501(c)(3) non-profit public benefit corporation (Tax ID # 95-6058273) located in eastern San Diego County, California. For over 40 years, they have provided ongoing educational, social, medical and familial support for individuals with developmental disabilities and their families.

A few years ago, Home of Guiding Hands sold their big campus in Lakeside and purchased 28 individual group homes offering around the clock caregivers and support staff to their clientele. It has truly become a home for the 400 plus people they work with on a daily basis.

Not only do they need to upkeep and maintain 28 individual group homes, but there are pets who live in most of the houses, sometimes several pets live in just one house. Shots, veterinarian visits, and food have no designated funding in the organization’s budget. State funding cannot be used to pay for extras, like pets.  Yet, many agree that the residents love their dogs, cats, fish and birds. Their pets make the houses feel like real homes.

Most of the individuals in HGH’s programs are very low income and cannot afford these pets on their own. The caregivers often donate their own funds to provide pet care and food when needed, but nothing is in place for long-term provisions for these animals.

A gift designated for Home of Guiding Hands’ pets would provide much needed support for ongoing pet therapies, emergency veterinarian services, yearly shots and special treats, as well as, providing funds for replacement of damaged items, furnishings, carpets and screens, occasionally caused by the pets. Please help the people and pets of Home of Guiding Hands by donating today. Visit their website at http://www.guidinghands.org/ for more information about this wonderful organization.

Thank you!

P.S.
I wrote this essay for a contest I wanted to enter.  Unfortunately, after writing this piece, I found out that I could not submit it due to my age.  I decided to go ahead and post it here. 

On a side note: I worked for this organization for two years.  The above info is based on my own personal experiences in the Development Department.  I have often felt the pets were an integral part of making houses into actual homes and the residents were so attached to them.  I remember when one dog required surgery, it was like pulling teeth to get funding for it.  The staff and the residents of that home were blessed when someone came through with a donation to help out so the dog did not have to be put to sleep.  Many of the dogs in the homes are retired seeing eye dogs and have served our community so admirably.  They are the gentlest animals, obedient and well trained, but they are older and require medical treatment. 

So please, if you love pets, if you love helping people with developmental disabilities, consider contacting HGH and offering your support.  Trust me, any dog and cat toys, aquariums and supplies, bird cages, pet food for all types of animals, gift cards to Petco or any pet store is needed.  So even if you can't donate money, but if you have new pet items you could donate to the pets of HGH, I'm sure it would be very much appreciated.-Angie

Duplication-A Poem

So I began thinking about poetry in a different way.  I still think I hate it, but I'm giving it my best try.  Below you will find an idea I had to make a poem out of one word lines. 

Duplication-

A.D. Swader

Flirtation
Attraction
Fascination
Temptation

Suggestion
Location
Vacation
Destination

Assumption
Protection
Eruption
Malfunction

Ovulation
Implantation
Consternation
Protestation

Resignation
Procreation
Gestation
Regurgitation

Concentration
Perspiration
Acceleration
Navigation

Preparation
Presentation
New Relation
Congratulations!

Still Trying to Focus on Poetry

So in my goal to finish this poetry class, I've taken to reading poetry.  I've been reading Shakespeare's Sonnets.  I thought I'd share my favorite so far and then my version of it in modern language.  See what you think and let me know.

Sonnet XLIII
When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see,
For all the day they view things unrespected;
But when I sleep, in dreams they look on thee,
And, darkly bright, are bright in dark directed.
Then thou, whose shadow shadows doth make bright,
How would thy shadow's form form happy show
To the clear day with thy much clearer light,
When to unseeing eyes thy shade shines so!
How would, I say, mine eyes be blessed made
By looking on thee in the living day,
When in dead night thy fair imperfect shade
Through heavy sleep on sightless eyes doth stay!
  All days are nights to see till I see thee,
  And nights bright days when dreams do show thee me.
  -William Shakespeare


Dreams


Days are nights and nights are day,
When you and I are far apart.
In my dreams is where you’ll stay,
Filling up my lonely heart.
I wish to gaze upon your form,
But only in my mind.
This separation’s such a storm.
I wish I could go blind!
For then, I’d see you constantly,
Even when you're afar,
I'd hold you close and tenderly,
My reality is bizarre.
When I open my eyes,
I’m reminded of our truth,
I’m so sad, my heart cries,
Our wedding bands, the only proof.
I pray the time flies by,
Then we’ll be together,
Until then I’ll dream sky high,
Embraced by them, you’ll be forever.

-A. D. Swader