Dating Advice for my Single Christian Friends

I've seen your posts on Facebook.  You know who you are, the lonely hearts who are looking for a new relationship.  Well without calling you out by name or making you uncomfortable, I decided to write a blogpost and share with you some of my ideas for dating and ultimately marriage.

 “If you meet someone who is caring and funny and smart, stick it out for three or four dates—even if they don’t meet your usual criteria.” -Christie Nightengale, Professional Matchmaker

My stolen relationship advice for those of my friends who are looking for love.  Just because you date someone doesn't mean you have to marry them.  That's why it's a date.  But to write someone off because they don't meet your idea of the "ONE" is wrong too. 

Speaking from personal experience, when I met my husband of almost 20 years, I didn't like him.  For starters he was younger than me.  That was a no no in my mind.  Secondly, he was very shy, which I took for being stuck up.  In fact, when he was suggested to me by my future sister-in-law, I instantly rejected the suggestion.  He was not the one for me, end of discussion.

I was wrong.  After getting to know him and becoming friends, I realized that we connected on a level that I'd never felt with anyone else.  Four months after meeting him, I let him know I was interested in more than friendship and the rest is history. 

I'll repeat for those old fashioned women out there, I let him know I was interested in him.  I didn't sit around waiting for the shy, quiet type to finally warm up and approach me.  It may never have happened otherwise.  In this day and age, it's ok to approach a man.  Don't leave the man to do all the work.  Be direct and honest, also be prepared for rejection.  By putting yourself out there you may get hurt.  That's life.  If you find out someone you like, does not return your feelings, don't take it personal.  It may hurt a bit, but use it as a growing experience and learn from it and grow.

Obviously loving, caring Christians would never date without a permanent relationship in mind.   But don't veto anyone until you've really gotten to know them.  Don't assume since you've been friends for years that you don't need to date either.  Dating is how you really learn about one another, your goals, your likes and dislikes.  Dating is a neccesary evil if you really want to get married and have it last.  Don't rush through the dating process.  This sets a tone for the rest of your relationship. 

So why not try out a few different types of people while you're searching for the "one"?  How easy is it to say that one's too short, too tall, to quiet, or to lively.  It is easy to quickly judge your date.  But if you give someone you'd never usually date a chance, maybe you would find that they are actually the perfect "one" for you.

I had a guy quickly decide I was not the one for him because I made a comment that I was not ready to have children.  I was just out of school and although I wanted to get married, I was not ready to start a family right away.  Obviously, that was a deal breaker for him.  Had he gotten to know me, given me a chance, well maybe things would have been different.  One negative comment from me and I was history.  Now, I have three children.  People grow and change the longer you know them.

Many of you are divorced and when you analyze your previous relationships, you can see what you did wrong and correct it.  Trust me, it is never just one persons fault when a relationship dies.  Take your share of the blame and own it.  You made mistakes too.  Don't relive your previous mistakes by doing the same things all over again.  No one can change you, but yourself.  Also, carrying that baggage into a new relationship is not fair.  So make sure you've really put your personal issues behind you.  Think about what you really want out of a relationship, what are deal breakers, and what personality quirks you can live with when you start your search for a new mate. 

Lastly, back to my quote from above.  You will not get to know the real person in one or two dates.  You need to really get to know someone and then decide if they are the one for you.  Don't rush into it, don't quickly write someone off, be open minded and positive.  Remember, no one is perfect.  We all are flawed and make mistakes.  So give dating a chance and try dating someone you'd never thought you would like.  Look at dating like the contest of a lifetime and the reward is a loving happy relationship.